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beat down tired

15 December 08

i don’t know if it’s the cold dark weather, or the various stressful (vast and various would be more honest of a description) happenings in our lives of late, or the way christmas can just feel overhwelming to get ready for instead of exciting…

but i am so very tired.

so tired, in fact, that i haven’t been writing.  or journaling.  truth be told, i’m too tired to plug in our christmas lights.  not to mention needing to take some pictures of said lights, which in a couple spurts of energy i put up and are now decorating our home in every room in the house except bedrooms!  good grief.

so tired, in fact, that i am ordering pizza for dinner tonight.  and if you know me, you know this is Not Normal.  convenience food?  takeout food?  who is this woman i have become?   i have been feeling this tired for, oh, two weeks now.  but i feel too guilty to just rest.  i keep trying to go go go.  which just brings me back to beat down tired.

i go to websites like ali and hanna, who would normally inspire me and send me on a creative spree, and i just get overwhelmed.  oh how i love going to their websites, and getting re-inspired.  ali is doing this amazing daily journal during december and i had wanted to do it along with her.  it’s so beautiful!   and i can’t, i just can’t fathom it.  normally i’d be up for such a challenge and it would be so good for me.  but like i said, beat down tired.  Not Normal.

tonight our friend heather told me it’s okay to be tired.  i’m sure she knew that i didn’t believe her.  

the hardest part, i think about being this tired, is feeling so guilty about it.  i mean, honestly, who feels guilty about being tired?

 

so, all that nonsensical rambling to say…i’m sorry i haven’t been here lately.  i’m sorry you won’t be getting elaborate handmade gifts this year.  and massi, i’m sorry the kitchen’s still dirty and i’m ordering pizza for dinner.

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